You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I want a musical about memes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
