she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
