OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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