happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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