So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
