dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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