I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
