Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Vodka?
Forever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
