Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
