I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
