my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
