I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
