I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
