I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
