Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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