Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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