Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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