He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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