We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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