My brain says no but my pants say off.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
