Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
