You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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