some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
