My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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