I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
