So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sober January is a disaster.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
