Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Im part way to drunk.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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