one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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