its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
