I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
