Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
