If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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