he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your penis caused this!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
