Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
