it wasn't lemon gatorade
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
