my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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