I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
