I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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