I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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