last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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