i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Drunk is a universal language darling
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
