mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
