i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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