This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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