I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
