ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
