just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
