He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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