I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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