At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
