I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
