My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
